"Smoke." "Not now, Cleveland."

A friend of mine who's more of a Cincinnati guy left these consecutive voice-mails over the weekend. I post them here in the interest of fairness. But, speaking for the Rust Belt from whence I came: We built you, America. If it weren't for Cleveland at the good end of I-77, there wouldn't even be a Charlotte at the bad end.

"Just in case you were ever wondering the answer to this question -- If you're standing in a concession line on the south end of Jacobs Field, how many smokestacks can you count within your line of sight while in line at the concession stand? -- the answer, from the best of what I can tell, is...51. You can count 51...smokestacks while standing in line for hot dogs at the south end of Jacobs Field."

"I'm now on the south side of Jacobs Field and it's dark. The number of smokestacks emitting smoke: five. Thank you."